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      26 Mar 2010

      Getting a burrito for the first time since the B3 in Vegas... chipotle burritos seem teeny now.

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      15 Mar 2010

      Trying to go to bed but my brain says it is only 10 pm not 1 am

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      13 Mar 2010

      Stories from Las Vegas - My dinner date with destiny: Boys braving their best against a beastly burrito.

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      The week before I came to Vegas I saw the "Man Vs. Food" episode with the Big Badass Burrito. A monster weighing in at 6 pounds, measuring 2 feet long. I knew that it was something I would have to try while I was here. I thought it was something I might be able to do. Was I confident? no. Was I hopeful? definitely.

      My dad got to the NASCAR Cafe before I did. I called him as I was boarding the monorail and he told me that there were already two guys trying the B3 challenge. By the time I got off the monorail and walked through the Sahara casino one of them had already left the table and run off to the bathrooms, which were a concerning distance away, he wasn't going to be able to hold his down.

      Between the time when I ordered and when my burrito came out, they understandably take a while to cook, the burrito claimed its second casuality as Matt waived his napkin as a white flag of surrender. This was a little concerning to me, but I knew the stats before I came in. The burrito had now claimed all but 4 of the 280 challengers as its victims. Matt retreated to the bar with his friends, only a few feet away from the roped off challenge zone.

      Finally they brought out my burrito. Nothing I had seen before quite prepared me for how big this burrito actually was. Seeing the Man Vs. Food episode, pictures on the internet, the half eaten burritos that had just repelled their attackers, even reading the massive list of ingrediants, none of these can help you fully comprehend the massivity of this burrito. (Yes, I did just make up a word to describe how extremely massive this burrito is.) The B3 weighs about as much as I did when I was born, twice as much as my dad did when he was born.

      I started my burrito at 6:31. You get an hour and a half to complete the burrito, that gave me until just after 9. I was quite hungry so I started out strong. It helps that the burrito is absolutely delicious. It was such a joy to eat the first bit that if it were an average sized burrito I imagine it would have taken merely seconds to conquer. I had finished a third of the burrito in just a little over fifteen minutes. I was doing great, I was on track.

      Matt and his friends (two girls and a guy) would turn around from the bar every once in a while and check my progress. Now they asked my name and started cheering for me. The girls would cheer me on and then console Matt. I would be lying if I said I wasn't trying harder once two cute girls started cheering for me. About thirty minutes into my attempt Matt said he was "going to go pull the trigger." He came back from the bathroom some minutes later looking much better.

      It is an odd expierence doing an eating challenge. You become the center of attention. People walk by an know what you are attempting. Everyone has advice on how you should do it or is wondering how you're doing. One girl asked what my strategy was I said "I put the food in my mouth then I chew and swallow. Basically that over and over again." The girls mainly watch in utter amazement. Just about every guy who sees you says "I could eat that." Either that or they tell their friend they could do it and they should try. For all the people who "could definitely eat one" few actually tried.

      Two friends, Adam and Steve, convinced each other to try the B3 challenge. It was nice to have companions in the fight against the burrito. There is a bond that formed between us as we battled the beast. Steve and I both agree that the worst bites where when you got a lot of sour cream or guacamole, cold and slimy. Jalepenos also posed a great obstacle, when you get a bite chalk full of jalepeno it really makes you question how much more you can eat.

      About fifty minutes in I was two thirds done.  One of the waitresses told me that everyone who had finished had done it in under half an hour. I was definitely starting to slow down. I had eaten so much so fast that I not sure when my stomach stopped aching from being hungry and started aching from being full. I wasn't going to give up yet. How could I with girls cheering me on. 

      A table of guys began being very vocal about the burrito challengers. The table was sharing a 180 oz tower of beer, you could tell that this was not their first stop of the night either. The main one went back and forth between rooting for me with complete confidence and being sure that I was going to fail. At the hour mark I was starting to agree with the half of him that didn't think I was going to make it. Most of my bites at this point where when the girls would turn around to see how I was doing.

      Adam and Steve were starting strong much like I did. I told them what the waitress told me about finishing in a half hour. "You can definitely feel it when you hit the wall." Giving advice like a veteran when I still was in the midst of my war. Two more men stepped into the fray and started their own struggle against the burrito.

      The girls left when I had about 20 minutes to go. With them went most of the motivation I had left. The last third was still mostly on my plate. I would have to eat the final third at about the same pace I ate the first third. There was just no way that was going to happen. I knew the burrito had finished me, but I wasn't giving up without a fight. I was going to go out shooting. I kept plugging away. Slowly but surely, bite by (increasingly smaller) bite.

      I ended up running out of time. I had eaten a little over 4 and half pounds. I did the best I could but the B3 did what it did best. As it says on the back of my new pink Certified Weenie shirt "I was defeated by the big badass burrito. The 6 pound, 24 inch burrito, seperating the winners from weenies daily." 

      The Burrito filled my stomach and it crushed my soul, just like it did to so many before me. I am proud to say I at least held my own against the burrito. I didn't have to run off to the bathroom to vomit (or anything else). I didn't wave the napkin flag of defeat. Did I feel ashamed I couldn't finish, no. I just felt really full.

      Adam and Steve gave surrendered less than five minutes after my time ran out. I didn't stay to see the final outcome of the two others who started their fight later but from the looks of things their defeat wasn't far away either.

      What can I take away from this (hopefully) once in a lifetime experience?
      1- Chicks dig guys eating giant burritos.
      2- Apparently you have to eat faster than I did.
      3- Guacamole is never your friend.
      4- There is a bond like few I have ever experienced that comes from undertaking and impossible (however silly) task with someone. We have been through something most will never be able to imagine or fully understand.

      For he today that eats burrito with me shall be my brother
      We few, we happy few, we band of weenies.

      (download)
      Click here to download:
      Stories_from_Las_Vegas_-_My_di.zip (3.85 MB)

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      13 Mar 2010

      I would have posted a blog about my burrito but I spent the last two hours trying to teach grandpa to use a dvd player.

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      12 Mar 2010

      Green Zone: Matt Damon + Paul Greengrass directing = two thumbs way way up. Also burrito update coming soon. Stay tuned.

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      11 Mar 2010

      I am about to eat a child sized burrito. Literally.

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      11 Mar 2010

      In a 45 minutee focus group about numb3rs one guy mentioned X-files 4 times. He can be my friend.

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      11 Mar 2010

      I am not eating breakfast because later I am going to try devour a 2 foot long, 6 pound burrito. it's record is 279 attempts 4 winners.

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      10 Mar 2010

      Got selected to be part of a tv focus group tomorrow. Takes an hour and I get 50 bucks. Who says you can't make money in vegas.

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      9 Mar 2010

      When we left fargo it was 30 and rainy. Just got to vegas and it is 45 and cloudy... I thought this was the desert.

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      9 Mar 2010

      This flight has wifi. The guy behind me is definitely flirting with the girl across the asile from him even though she has repeatedly mentioned being married.

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      9 Mar 2010

      This is my first time on a plane that holds more than 4 people. It is also my first time on a plane I haven't flown myself.

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      6 Mar 2010

      Good thing I looked through my bag before I packed, TSA probably would like my multitool. Really wouldn't like my throwing knife.

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      27 Feb 2010

      Watching "Man Vs. Food - Las Vegas" So much more excited for my trip next week now.

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    My thoughts:
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